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So, you've been thought the excitement of falling in love,
the excitement of dating, the excitement of engagement and the excitement of
getting married. It was heady, memorable and fun. But you might find that
things slow down really quickly once you’you've “settled down” and you’re faced
with the grind of everyday survival.
So how do you keep the spark alive?
Personally I think you need to keep making memories and here’s
what I’d suggest:
Take pictures of
moments to remember. It’s easy to forget the good times when things are
going rough. So if you’re having a great day, doing something fun or just
feeling particularly close, take a picture. With technology being what it is,
it’s easy to capture many precious little moments to remember when things get
tough. And then browse through them whenever you need to. Create a folder with
all your best moments together…you know, like a photo album in the 90’s.
Do something special,
just for your partner. Sometimes we’ll do something nice for our partner
but secretly we’ll be hoping to benefit from it ourselves. If you’re honest
with yourself you’ll know what I’m talking about. So consider, every once in a
while, doing something that will benefit ONLY your partner, something to spoil
them, unexpectedly and without expecting anything in return. Doing that means
you’ll have to think analytically about your partner and you might just learn a
thing or two in the process and look at your partner with new eyes.
Make time to talk. In this age of communication, we can go days on end, talking non-stop, without really saying anything, right?
And that slowly but surely can make us drift apart while we fill the void with
conversations about dinner, the kids, the house and work. Try to make time to
really TALK to one another about your hopes and dreams for the future, current
events, a book you read, all those lovely little things you talked about when
you were first committed to learning as much as you could about your partner.
Reminisce. Re-live some of your favorite memories together. Play
your songs, replicate a meal from your dating days (like that Friday night
slapchips from the corner kêffie from your student days) and share your
favorite memories of your time together.
Write letters and
notes. It seems like such a corny high school thing to do, and yet we all
secretly treasure those little signs of love. Pop a note in a lunchbox or
pocket and then have a box/bag/drawer where you can keep these notes for a
rainy day. It always perks me up to be reminded of how much we love each other.
Spice things up in
the bedroom. It can be tricky to keep thing exciting after years of being
together but a little bit of change can make a world of difference. Just
remember that the goal is strengthening your love and re-connecting; suddenly
going all out 50-shades might not be the best option for everyone, but to each
his own. Every relationship is different; just make sure you’re doing something
that works for you both.
Get off the couch and
out of the house. Doing this together builds bonds and makes more memories.
Go for a drive, a hike, a walk, to dinner, for coffee, to a show, to a museum,
on a road trip, to a gallery, to the movies, to the gym, to a wine tasting.
Join a club together or volunteer somewhere as a couple.
Memories don't make themselves and keeping the spark alive is your responsibility. So participate in your own life and enjoy the results.
