Falling in love...

Falling in love is the easiest thing in the world.

People fall in love every day with the most mundane of things. Just last week I fell in love with a song I heard on the radio. Butterflies, breath caught in my throat, heart racing, the whole 9 yards. I sometimes get the same over a recipe (but who wouldn’t love a moist, double dark chocolate cake smothered in a cloud of whipped cream?)

What have you fallen in love with recently? Those gorgeous heels?  A fantastic TV series? A legendary sports team?  

Falling in love is deliciously fun, ridiculously easy and completely selfish. It’s about how YOU feel and what YOU get out of it. Falling in love is about YOU.

And falling in love with people is the most fun of all, because your hormones can get involved! So it’s a natural high like no other. Testosterone, oestrogen, dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, endorphins galore! It’s a party in your brain and your body! When you fall in love initially your body is raging with hormones and chemicals, you’re buzzed and it feels amazing.  But you can’t replicate those chemicals with willpower any more than you can make it rain…

“Marriage requires falling in love every day, with the same person”

How many times have you heard that? Or thought about it while looking at your partner slumped on the couch in their PJ’s after you’ve both had a day from hell or while they’re doing that annoying thing that you just can’t STAND? How are you supposed to "fall in love everyday" when the everyday get's in the way?

“Falling in love again” sounds easy (because it’s got the word “fall” in it) but we all know it’s a tall order. It's work and quite frankly it’s easier to just give up and fall in love with someone new.  

So here’s one of those things no-one ever told me: “Falling in love” is only the first tiny step on a journey that can last your whole life. Love changes. Your relationship changes, your spouse changes and YOU change. And if you try hanging on to the first little step forever, you will never experience true love. You will just constantly be craving the old buzz and replicating it with a new partner. 

I am not the same girl who got married almost 9 years ago and I’m married to a completely different man. We don’t think the same way we did back then, we don’t feel the same and our love is not the same and I’m thankful for that. Because the ditzy, whirlwind, passionate, blind love that we had to start with, would not have survived this battlefield that is life and we would have ended up alone. Love needs to change, to grow up and mature. 

You don’t immediately see things change, but they do. As you grow older and wiser, experience things together, fight tempestuously and share moments of unspeakable joy, there’s less head in the clouds and more firm-beneath-my-feet. Love gets stronger, more stable and able to weather the storms of illness, adversary, financial strain and kids. It becomes your anchor in times of trouble and your safe heaven. (Whoa, too many ship metaphors!)

So don’t try to “fall in love again”. Rather try to see your love for what it is and grow it to become more than a mere hormone-cocktail driven infatuation. Build a love that will stand the test of time, not fizzle when the party is over.

I think it’s more about finding NEW ways to love your partner as often as possible, to create a new buzz and a different high. 

One that will last till death do you part.